#@*#$#@^$*@#$^ TAXES!!!!!

I hate taxes!!!

I state this as I sit here, after 10pm, on the phone with DH, who is in Mexico, trying to figure this all out.

And I know you're saying, "Well, you shouldn't have left it to the last minute."

In our defense, DH had everything ready mid-February -- it was my brother who didn't get the final paperwork to us. Our taxes are not simple.

It started with my grandfather who set up FLPs and trusts; these passed down to my dad and uncle. Then when Dad died, it passed onto my sibs and me. And they are such a hassle. So we don't just do the Federal 1040, but have to do a bunch of other forms, and in multiple states.

And this year we didn't get the paperwork till today. Most of it we got Saturday, but the accountant forgot one set of documents. And DH had filed on Saturday based on those docs, so now we have to do an amendment. And to make things worse, we now owe the IRS, instead of getting the refund we were expecting.

Hard to know who to blame for the tardy docs. DH wants to blame my brother. But my brother blames our uncle and the accountant. All I know is that it is extremely stressful (makes me glad for the distance :p ).

I know that if I really wanted to I could have a better understanding of the tax forms and terms, but really, that's what DH is for :D. He's the one with the MBA....

So, tomorrow I get to mail off a check to the IRS, hoping they don't submit it till the money is in the bank (brother is sending payment to cover the taxes). They're supposed to hold it till they get the amended return and not penalize us as it will have been mailed on the 15th. Here's crossing my fingers/toes/eyes...

Pancreatic cancer

Be warned: this is not an uplifting, light hearted post

Just saw today that Patrick Swayze has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. My heart goes out to him and his family. It's a horrid disease.

Last post I wrote about reading a book by Ronda Thompson. Well, I finished it and went online to find other books she'd written, and was saddened to learn that she had died last July from pancreatic cancer. While I am disappointed that there will not be sequels to Confessions of a Werewolf Supermodel, I offer my sympathies to her family.

It just amazes me how many cases of pancreatic cancer there seem to be lately -- Randy Pausch (still fighting), Pavarotti (deceased), Colin Friels (in remission), mother, father and brother of Jimmy Carter (all deceased), and many more past and current (there are lists online). The niece of one of my husband's co-workers, only 37 was diagnosed just after Thanksgiving and passed away last month, leaving behind two young children.

And most personal of all, my dad died May 2004 after fighting it for 2 years. He was actually diagnosed fairly early, not common for pancreatic cancer (usually by the time doctors figure out what's going on, it's in the worst stage and has spread). A tumor developed right at a bile duct and the jaundice got him into the doctor.

The first year of treatment went so well -- no really bad reactions to either the chemo or the radiation. The doctors were pleasantly surprised.

Then we hit the second year and things started to deteriorate. The cancer spread to his lungs (pancreatic is notorious for spreading to other areas of the body). Fluid would build up and he couldn't breathe -- he'd go in and they'd use a huge needle to remove the fluid. The chemo started to cause serious problems -- hair loss, tremors, loss of appetite, exhaustion. We saw my Dad in October 2003 when he came to visit, and he was not looking well, but at that point we were all still hopeful.

And then in early 2004 his digestive system stopped working. He'd eat and the food would just sit in his stomach, so he wouldn't be hungry, so wouldn't eat anymore. We had a family reunion in April that year for Easter and it was heart breaking. Dad didn't look like Dad anymore. My dad had always been large and robust and energetic, and now he seriously looked like someone from a concentration camp, starving to death. Turns out that the radiation treatments that he had weathered so well at the time basically destroyed his duodenum. And by the time the doctors figured out what the problem was, it was too late, his body had basically begun to shut down.

May 18th we received the call we'd been dreading. Got there on the 19th (we lived a couple of thousand miles away). Dad was already comatose, but was at home. My siblings were there and we spent lots of time gathered around him sharing memories and comforting one another. My children got a chance to say good-bye. Early the next morning he passed away.

Dad hadn't wanted a funeral or serious/sad memorial; he wanted a celebration of life. So that's what we did. We had 200 tulips (from an entry in his journal), displayed memorabilia (photo albums, his college sweater with his letter for swimming, etc), and a looped slide show of pictures of him from childhood till shortly before his death. My littlest had really only ever seen him while he was sick and didn't recognize the pictures of dad from when he was healthy -- so sad. And so many people came. It was wonderful to share stories and smiles and tears.

So, now I wonder if it's genetic, or environmental. Do I have an increased risk because Dad got it? Is it caused by something eaten or breathed or introduced into the body some other way? Can anything be done to reduce the risk?

And hearing about it more often -- is it really happening more, or is it just recognized/diagnosed more readily now than it used to be? Maybe it's always been around with the same incidence rate, only misdiagnosed as some other cancer or disease.

I know this wasn't a pleasant topic, but I needed to get all this out.

What's going on

I'm not going to go into the details here (if you want them, go to my other blog Robin's Red Bottom), but my husband and I are struggling right now. We're looking for a counsellor to see if we can work things out -- we're definitely not continuing on as a couple/family without it.

So, in other "news"--
We all went and saw Jumper this weekend. It was ok. A good idea but the movie bogged down in the middle and never really recovered.

Finished reading P.S. I Love You. Definitely liked the book better than the movie; the characters were more fleshed out, more believable in the book, without the contrived family issues created for the movie. It was a nice book, not a great book, but I would recommend it.

Currently reading Confessions of a Werewolf Supermodel by Ronda Thompson. I haven't read anything else by her, but probably will after reading this. It's a fun read. Sometimes the writing seems a little stilted, but the story is amusing and engaging. I'm about halfway thru and will have it finished this weekend.

Hmmm, not sure what I'll read next -- so many, many to choose from :)

Exercised Monday and killed my quads. Finally, today, the pain has subsided enough that I am not in total pain with every moment, just a few twinges.

Semi watched the Oscars. The only movies I had seen were Enchanted and Ratatouille so I have no points of reference on the winners performances. Oh well.

Gotta go.

Today, Today, Today

Saw this news article today, and had to fight the laughter. I'm sure the thief is in pain, if he survived the shock, but then, he was a thief...
I've marked the bits I found especially amusing.

Shock horror for would-be power cable thief
Tue Feb 12, 1:01 PM ET
Police in central England are hunting for a badly scorched would-be copper power cable thief after finding a hacksaw embedded in an 11,000 volt power cable Saturday night.
The thief, who also left a lit blow torch at the scene, is expected to be badly charred, spiky haired and not exactly the brightest bulb in the socket.
"The sheer stupidity of cutting through power cables should be glaringly obvious to everyone," said Phil Wilson, customer operations manager with local power company Central Networks.
"At the very least putting the hacksaw through the cable would have created an almighty bang and the line would have burned for quite a few seconds, showering them with molten copper... We can only assume they left in a great hurry or they were injured and were dragged away by an accomplice." But searches of local hospitals have so far not found the culprit, a spokeswoman for Derbyshire Police said Tuesday.
"Maybe they had a lucky escape," she said. "We don't have any leads yet."
Nearly 800 customers in the village of Creswell were cut off when the wannabe copper thief sawed into their power supply on Saturday night, but Central Networks got the lights back on within a few hours.
Copper prices have more than doubled in the last four years as China has gobbled up huge quantities of it, sparking a wave of copper thefts across the globe from South Africa and the United States to Italy and Britain.
Thieves targeting power lines and electricity substations have already led to two fatalities in Britain and many serious injuries, while leaving thousands without power.
(Reporting by Daniel Fineren, editing by Paul Casciato)

Beyond this, my day was pretty blah. Had a breakfast meeting and then a lunch meeting, so didn't get much done today. Didn't help that what I thought was allergies is turning into a cold -- based on the headache, coughing, sore throat, and pressure in my ears. I so can not be sick right now, too much stuff to do. And DH comes home on Friday and I don't want to be sick over the weekend.

Glad to have the writer's strike over. Way too many reality shows popping up -- stupid, nasty shows.
Jericho is back on tonight. So glad the network reconsidered the cancellation. Looking forward for the return of lots of shows.

Enjoying PS I Love You. It's a good book. Don't really approve of all the changes made to the story for the movie. Of course, I still approve of Gerard Butler being in the movie :D

Gotta try to get to sleep early tonight. Took too long to fall asleep last night and then the stupid snow plow woke me up at 2:30 A.M. Ugh. So I overslept, was late out the door, and then a train crossed my path, so I was 20 minutes late this morning. Gotta do better tomorrow.

Weather today was gorgeous --clear blue sky and lots of sunshine. Still cold but at least sunny. Supposedly more snow is on the way. Such a snowy, gloomy miserable winter. Can't wait for spring (which is probably still a couple of months away).

Here's my day

Miserable.
That pretty much sums it up.
I felt pretty nasty all day while at work, headachy, nauseous, just a smidge away from migraine land. And with sinus problems.
The door alarm was broken. This means it was beeping multiple times a minute for hours --- oh. my. god. What agony. I finally had to turn on my iPod just so I wouldn't be able to hear it. Someone finally turned up about 1pm to fix it.
Had a bunch of personal stuff to take care of -- banking (changing banks -- yuch, what a hassle), insurance, bills, errands during lunch (bright side -- DH was pleased that I got everything done that he'd asked me to).
Extra long commute home as the weather had turned nasty.
Got home to find out that the dryer has broken. Damn, damn, damn. We really don't have the $$ to deal with this right now. And no way to dry the already wet clothes as it is the middle of winter and freaking cold. I don't even know where to find a laundromat in this town. Guess it's time to suss one out.
Found out that I should have been filing a tax return in another state (because of inheritance when my dad died). And they've generously allowed me one month to get the 2006 info filed. Great. At least I know DH is really good about keeping all the papers together so when he gets home this weekend it shouldn't be too hard to get everything all together. Just one more addition to my stress.
So, now it is bedtime for the kiddies, and time for me to completely relax and try to get more sleep tonight than I did last night.

Hope your day was better than mine.

Been a month

Not much is going on.

DH and I go to work (he's travelling this week) and the kids go to school. The weather is nasty (we're well below freezing today). The dog has been trying to steal laundry -- last week I found pants, socks, hats, gloves and a pair of my underpants out in the backyard. The kids are supposed to check the yard everyday when they come home -- it's too dark when I get home to really see what's there. The cat's upset because it's too cold for him to spend time outside and he really doesn't like using a litterbox.

I'm currently reading PS I Love You. I'm not very far in, but while the movie was based on the book, the movie was a very loose telling of the book (lots of artistic license). Not sure yet but I will probably like the book more.

The book before was Light. Confusing and not all that enjoyable. And I'm too anal to just put down a book I'm not enjoying -- I keep hoping that it will get better.

Work is ------ unsettled right now. There're some major changes going through, some people are losing their jobs, and it's got me worried. Nothing has been said specifically, but I feel like I'm being kept more on the outskirts than usual. DH has suggested that I start looking around for something new, but with our big vacation planned for the beginning of May, I don't want to have to arrange it all with a new employer. Job hunting is such an energy drain, especially since I don't know what I want to look for. I've done such a variety of jobs in the past that I really don't have any specialized skills.

Starting in high school, and chronologically:
youth conservation corps at the local fish hatchery
store clerk
receptionist
Burger King
university food service
university library
temp agency
store clerk
field biologist with the federal government
entry writer with a customs broker
elementary school substitute teacher
general office in a warehouse working with distribution and transportation

So, where do I go from here? I think I'd like working in the local library, but the hours are so varied and if I change jobs I'd really like to be able to spend more time at home with the kids. I could look into the local school district, I suppose, but not as a substitute. I really do not want to do anything in retail, and sales is so not me.

Just the thought of starting over again anywhere, doing anything just exhausts me. And I have to work, we need the second income.

Well, no point in stressing over it right now.

Positive comments

Today, at work, I had two people comment that I was looking good and had obviously lost some weight. One of these was a male co-worker with whom I really don't have conversations about anything not work-related, so it was especially surprising.

Now, I do weigh a few pounds less than a week ago, according to the scale, and I 'think' I can see physical changes in my appearance but am always worried that it's just wishful thinking. This is proof that the changes I'm making are working.

Of course, if you saw the previous post, I've only just restarted my weight loss efforts. What these first pounds off show me is that my body really doesn't like all the junky food and will respond positively and quickly when I make the appropriate changes. I'm sure this first little loss is more a loss of bloat than of fat, but I'll take whatever I can get and run with it.

I wish I was losing where I really want to. I've noticed that when I first start to lose weight, it's kinda from the outside in. I notice it first in my face/neck, hands, and feet. It seems to take forever before I see changes in the worst areas, and never seem to see any loss in my breasts (they get perkier but not smaller, and they are, in my opinion, way too big). I know it's a matter of perseverance and eventually my whole body while shrink, it can just be a little frustrating...

Gotta say the heart monitor helps. Nothing like an annoying beeping alarm to let you know you're heart rate is not high enough to make you work harder to make it stop.

We go on our vacation, another cruise, at the beginning of May. If I can keep with this I could conceivably weigh 30 lbs less than I do now (16 weeks x approx 2 lbs/week) and that's a huge deal; about a third of how much I ultimately need to lose. I haven't been in my ideal weight range since high school, and a 30 pound loss would put me about where I was 13 years ago.

So, here's to hard work, determination, and perseverance. And people keeping the supportive comments coming.