Too Tired

It's been a busy week. So of course the exercise has fallen by the wayside the last couple of days.
I'm exhausted -- I had a 50 mile drive one way (about 2 hours) Tuesday and Wednesday to attend some special project meetings for work (which it turns out I really didn't need to attend as it was all review for me). Long, boring meetings in uncomfortable chairs which people from other facilities who have to be difficult. Aaaaaggggghhhh. Then OC had a band rehearsal Wednesday evening, with the actual concert tonight. So fitting exercise in just was too hard.
I do plan on getting back on track tomorrow after work.
Saturday I have a chiro appt and then it's clean the house top to bottom before DH comes home -- he's going to be exhausted and one of hte best ways to welcome him home is with a clean house. I even plan on reducing my piles (if you could see my bedroom, you'd know what i mean).

You Must Watch This

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HqdnjgkExY

I tried to put the video itself here, but couldn't seem to manage it tonight.

Randy Pausch and his last lecture have been all over the news. I saw him today on Oprah. Very inspiring, but somewhat painful for me. Randy has pancreatic cancer, the same cancer that killed my dad 3 1/2 years ago. It's one of the worst cancers to get, with no survival rate. At least my siblings and I got to have our dad til we were all grown up.

If you can, I would also suggest watching today's episode of Oprah -- Randy gives a version of this lecture plus sits down and talks with Oprah and Dr. Oz. Very inspiring episode.

Randy's webpage at Carnegie Mellon:

http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/

Friendly Reminder...

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month (at least in the U.S.) -- have you had your annual mammogram yet?

I did, just this past week. Believe me, it is not a pleasant experience to have your breasts pushed and pulled and placed just right, and then squashed. There's nothing quite like having a part of your body that you consider beautiful and sexy and sensual handled like so much meat (visits to the gyno are ickily similar). But it's only 5 - 10 minutes once a year. And considering that it just might save my life, it's an unpleasantness I'll put up with.

This was my third annual mammogram. And if you're doing the math (40 years old now minus 3 years = 37 at first mammogram), you're aware that I had my first one earlier than generally recommended. This is because my mom had breast cancer. She went through treatments (never even lost her hair) and has now been cancer free, and considered cured, for more than 10 years. I don't know whether the cancer was discovered during an annual mammogram or thru self-exam, but now that there is a family history (no other blood family members on either side that I know of have had breast cancer), plus I have a few other health issues that raise my risk, I'm not taking any chances. If it's going to happen, I would rather catch it earlier than later.

luv ur breasts So, ladies, if you haven't had your mammogram yet this year, get it done; and make sure to do your monthly self-exams.

Gentlemen, encourage the ladies in your life to get their mammogram. And those monthly exams, you might consider helping out with those, make them more fun than chore.

Still Going Strong

Well, the exercising thing is going well -- 5 days last week, and up to 3 days this week. And I can already see positive changes in my body, less jiggling, etc. (the scale hasn't changed -- see next paragraph). Weekends are more difficult than week days because that's when we do everything that didn't get done during the work week -- cleaning, shopping, cooking, errands, sleeping.

I have discovered that I have a psychological issue -- I cannot diet and exercise at the same time. Ever since I committed to exercising at least 5 days a week, I just cannot keep up the healthy eating. I keep healthy food at work, but have been going out to eat, and buying cookies and other not so good choices for weight loss and healthy living. I know it's psychological, and I am trying to work through it. I'm hoping that has the exercise thing becomes a regular, easy to keep with, expected part of my day, that my mind will realize that I am not trying to starve and torture myself and will then be able to reincorporate healthy eating habits. (Thank you Martha Beck and "4 Day Win" for helping me with the mental aspects of healthy living/eating).

Other things going on --
DH is travelling again. He'll be home for the weekend, then off again until the last week of the month, just in time to take charge of Halloween (I will be at work 4:30 a.m. till at least 6 p.m. that day and the day or two after as well).
Special multi-day project at work -- I am so not a morning person that I will be stressed out and cranky for the duration. In light of this, my chiropractor has arranged a one hour session the Thursday before and the Saturday after to help me relax and destress (I am one of those people who holds all their stress in the back -- can only go so long without a good therapeutic massage and adjustment).
Oh, and I can expect PMS that week as well. Oh, joy, can't wait.

Reading --
Just finished 'Expanded Universe' by Robert A. Heinlein. I love the way he writes and what he writes about, fiction and non. He is someone I would have like to have met.
Also read 'The Worst Thing I've Done' by Ursula Hegi. Very interesting, but somewhat dark. I don't often read novels of this type, but it fit my mood when I saw it. I enjoyed it -- read it in two days, and recommend it.
Now reading 'I'd Kill For That,' a serial mystery edited by Marcia Talley (authors include Rita Mae Brown, Kathy Reichs, Kay Hooper, and nine others). It's a little confusing to start -- too many characters introduced too quickly -- but I'm getting into it now.

And that's about it. Same old, same old.

3 days

Totally exhausted and sore, but managed to make it 3 days in a row for exercising. Unfortunately, the endorphins aren't boosting my mood so well tonight -- feel the need for a good cry. But I really need to try to sleep since tomorrow is another work day.

Nothing much else going on -- since I've been exercising after work, I haven't had a lot of time for reading or attentive TV watching. Soon, once the exercise becomes for of a regular habit, it will be easier to fit it all in.

Sore and tired

Sore and tired today, but I again did 30 minutes of cardio and some strength training. Definitely need to take the ibuprofen before bed.

I'm trying to find a widget of a calendar where I can check off the days I exercise. Haven't found one yet, so I'm looking to see how hard creating my own will be. If I find one or create one, I plan to add it to this blog.

I'm trying

I came home today and exercised. Whoo hoo! Did 30 minutes of cardio and some strength exercises. Now if I can just keep this up. I did not eat well today, but I did exercise.

I've tied my computer time in with this -- I won't get on the computer, for blogging or anything else, until I've done my exercise. Some days there may be exceptions (evening appointments, illness, etc.) but my mantra today was "I will exercise when I get home. I will do 30 minutes of cardio. I have no excuses, I am not sick, and being worn out is not valid." I just kept repeating this to myself through out the day. Amazing how changing one little word changes the force of the message (should to will).

And I needed the exercise endorphins. I've been spiralling into a funk the past few days, not really sure why, happens occasionally, and I think if I hadn't exercised I'd be curled up in a ball listening to my 'need to cry' playlist on my iPod.

Here's to keeping up the hard work.

Physical follow up

I mentioned previously that I'd had my annual physical. My injection site is almost back to normal -- no longer red and swollen, but there is still a hard knot present. Got my test results back and everything is normal, with the exception of my cholesterol (LDL too high, HDL too low). Dr doesn't want to put me on meds, so I've got to make some lifestyle changes. We all know what those are: move more and eat better/less. I don't do well on either point, haven't for years, which of course explains all the extra weight I carry around with me.

I've tried over the years -- joining various dieting groups, the gym, hiring a personal trainer. I have a hard time sticking with anything, and I've discovered I'm somewhat of a picky eater. And with working full-time with an hour commute each way, I find it difficult to find the energy and enthusiasm for exercising before or after work (doesn't help that I am not morning person, either).

I know I've got to pull it together -- I'm 40 and there are a variety of cancers in my family medical history -- and get healthy before it's too late. I actually eat healthier at work than I do at home, keeping whole grain cereals in my desk and non fat milk in the fridge, along with frozen meals, veggies, fruit, etc. also either in my desk or the fridge. There are vending machines, but I rarely raid them (usual only during that one week of the month), and I am not a big soda drinker, diet or regular -- water is my drink of choice. So I have to take care with dinners and weekends.

Exercising is my biggest challenge. When I do exercise, I enjoy it and I feel good after (gotta love those endorphins), but I can always come up with excuses not to (I'm tired, exercise clothes aren't clean, kids need taken care of, dinner needs fixing, housework needs done, errands to run, etc., etc., and on and on). A lot of guides to healthy living are now talking about building rewards into the system -- every time I exercise I get to do something that I enjoy (as long as it has nothing to do with food), and anytime I reach a small, specified goal, I get a bigger reward, and so on. I'll have to come up with a list -- I think computer time/blogging is going to have to become an after exercise reward. Maybe I can enlist DH to provide extra special rewards when I meet my goals

Mom's Overture

My Mom sent this to me, and especially given yesterday's post, it's especially funny. Even if you aren't a parent, you will probably remember your mom saying many of these same things to you -- I sure do.

Enjoy.

Teenagers!!

What is it with teens (and pre-teens)? Good grief!

Today started like any normal day, everyone up and out to school or work. During my commute, DH calls to tell me that our oldest child (OC) has a disaster area for a bedroom and needs to be told to clean it. Can't do anything about that until the afternoon so I continue on to work.

While on my lunch break (taken very late today due to "crises" that kept arising every time I was ready to go), DH left me a voice message. He had called home and talked to OC and she had proceeded to argue/debate with him about the necessity of cleaning her room -- she doesn't like to put her dirty clothes in the hamper, doesn't want to keep her clean clothes in the closet (too much work to open the door and put clothes away or take them out), and on and on. This sort of behavior/attitude really pisses off DH.

I tried to call her but she was out picking up her little sister from school and our son missed the bus, so he wasn't home to take a message. When he called to tell me about the bus, I warned him about his sister and that she might be in a bad mood. Next time I tried calling, MC (middle child) was home and OC was in her room, and according to MC didn't want to talk to anyone (I told him to tell her that was unacceptable and to come talk to me, but by the time he made it back upstairs, she'd gotten in the shower). He also told me that he was going to do his chores and her chores since she was busy in her room. I went over what needed to be done, and told him to tell OC to call me back.

While on my commute home, MC called and asked if he could go to the nearby elementary school with a friend. He implied that all the chores were done, I told him to be home before dark, and he agreed.

I got home and NONE of the chores were done, MC had left his backpack out, did not have his cell phone, and according to OC had never told her that I had called and that she needed to call me back. OC had worked on her room but was still argumentative. While I was having a calm discussion with OC, DH came home, and was immediately irritated that MC wasn't home and hadn't done his chores, etc. DH drove up to the school to find him, but he wasn't there, so we pulled out his cell phone and started calling friends, starting with the one he was supposed to be with (he wasn't). DH just got more and more pissed. OC finally got up and started doing chores -- talking the whole time (motormouth).

DH left for the gym, and I waited for MC to get home. He was late -- it was already dark. He acted like he had no idea why we would be upset with him. But this is not the first (second, or third) time that he has completely disregarded the rules and lied. You would think with as many times as he's been caught and disciplined he would know better, but I swear sometimes that his brain completely shuts down. And he is such the consummate liar -- unless we've actually got proof of the wrongdoing, it's very hard to tell when he's lying. Test scores indicate intelligence, but sometimes we have to wonder. DH was so pissed he actually talked about spanking him to get the point across -- for DH to even suggest spanking the kids is an indication of how angry he was.

I've taken his cell phone, DS, and computer access away -- again. He's restricted to the house except for outside chores, school, and family activities for at least a week and a half. This usually works for awhile but eventually he do it all over again.

Part of the enforcement problem is that there's no adult supervision when they get home from school. No way to resolve that at this time, but hopefully by next school year (when OC enters the main high school), I'll be working part-time and home in the afternoon.

Don't have the answers, just hope we survive the teen years (2 at the same time, one female, one male -- I hope we make it out sane).

Dreams -- the Good, the Bad, the Bizarre

I had the oddest dream the other night -- zombies. Yep, living dead eat the living zombies. Still haven't figured out where this came from. I'm really not a big fan of horror in general, let alone zombies in particular. I have occasionally watched a zombie movie, most recently Shaun of the Dead and part of another one who's title completely escapes me, but the most recent was weeks ago. So, clueless as to why my brain decided to spit out zombies during dreamtime. And to make it worse, it became one of those dreams where I knew I was dreaming and was trying to change it to make everything okay and nothing was working.

I was at my grandparents ranch (haven't been there in over 10 years) and my kids were with me. It's hazy but I think a few other adults were there too (my sister, maybe?). And we were trying to keep zombies out of the house and away from us so we could escape. Almost all the "walls" of the house were floor-to-ceiling windows and sliding glass doors (really, in real life). And for some unknown reason, while I'm trying to fight off zombies and protect my kids, I'm worried about making sure the cat can get in and out of the house okay and has food and water -- even during the dream I was aware of how stupid this was. So, as I kept trying to change things so the zombies would be gone, and nothing was working, I was becoming ever more frustrated. I put large SUV right next to the door, got everyone into it, and took off, and just as I'm thinking "finally, no more zombies, it's over" there's one of them on the roof of the car! That's when I finally woke up enough to decide I'd had it with zombie dreams for the night.

As I'm lying there, barely awake, I'm thinking "what can I possibly fill my mind with that will help me not focus on zombies? Know what came to mind? Sex, of course :) I honestly don't remember specifically what thoughts of sex I filled my mind with, but it worked. No more dreams of bleeping zombies. But it did lead to another interesting dream, the one I was having when I woke up.

DH and I were at some club somewhere, dim lighting, tables, lots of people. A guy comes up to us while we're getting drinks and tells DH that he'd really like to get to know me better, and DH invites him to join us at our table. A table that already has about 4 or 5 other men sitting around out. Apparently, we were interviewing to find someone to join us in a threesome (or moresome).

I'm not going to lie, this is a recurring fantasy for me (4 hands, 2 mouths, 2 cocks [shiver], focused on me, oh wow -- could be heaven). DH goes back and forth as to whether it might ever be a reality, and I'm not holding my breath. It's ultimately his decision, and it's not something I "need" to be happy. I don't think he's so much worried about how I would handle it, but how he would -- he might consider it his "get out of jail free" card and he would think that he was then entitled to go fuck anyone he wanted, with or without my knowledge/approval/company. I don't look at it that way at all, but as long as he does... Guess it will stay firmly in my fantasies.