OMG! I am such a retard!

I was on the computer too long, too late yesterday and stupidly decided it would be a good idea to play with my template.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Don't know if you noticed -- if you even care... My nice lists of TV shows and authors are gone... deleted.... I still can't believe I did this.... And I don't have time to fix it right now, or any time soon.

Someday, when the crisis at work is over, and I'm all caught up with the backlog, I'll be able to fix this, but in the meantime...

Happy 4th of July!!

Happy 4th, everyone.

We're planning on going to the local festival -- food, music, fun, and fireworks.

I make sure that I take time every 4th to remember why we're celebrating -- the brave men and women who stood up, at risk of death, against a tyrannical government. I have ancestors who lived in the colonies and I know at least some of them were Revolutionaries. Capt. Pendleton was in the 1st Virginia Artillery, and for his efforts in the War was granted land in Kentucky.

Ancestors came here for different reasons, starting in the 1600s through the early 1900s -- forced as punishment by the British government, for business, to escape brutal conditions in their homeland, just because it was America and they could...

My husband is a first generation American, having come here for education and opportunity, and staying to start a family and get his citizenship.

Through family history research, I have watched as they moved westward (of course, now I'm heading back the other way). One ancestor kenw Wild Bill Hickok, searched for gold, and was quite a rabble-rouser (spent a fair amount of time in jail for drinking and fighting). Most lived quietly, raising families.

So, while I enjoy travelling and seeing other countries and cultures, and admit that there are things I'd like to changed here, America is a pretty wonderful place to live -- still the land of opportunity and hope.

Stuck in my head

Ever get a song stuck in your head? Or just have the odd bit of music pop into your thoughts?

For some reason I generally have "Favorite Things" and "Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head" running through my mind, at totally random times, for no apparent reason.

Since "Favorite Things" starts with "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens" rain is definitely a connection between the two songs...

But still, I'm not thinking about rain, wanting it to start or stop, and one or the other just starts up. They're not on my iTunes or iPod so I'm not hearing them there and recalling them later. They're not played on the radion stations I listen to in the car or on any CDs I own. So why? A little disconcerting...

Nature's Beauty

I have a deep abiding love, appreciation and respect for nature. All my life I've lived in places full of natural beauty. My grandparents had a ranch in California and I would either walk it or ride horseback around it, enjoying the oaks, the sage, the tumbleweeds, wildflowers, creeks, dams, redtail hawks, prairie dogs, etc. As a family it was not uncommon for us to get in the car and just drive, taking new roads, exploring new sites. We would see wildlife, find giant pinecones, fossils, ruins, etc. When we moved to Washington, there were new areas to explore and we did. It was somewhat of a tradition that after church on Sunday's we would get in the car and drive. And we lived in an area of much beauty -- mountains, rivers, waterfalls, lakes, etc. We'd often go camping in the summer, even if only for a weekend. And it was only a few hours drive to the ocean...

With all this beauty, I also gained a healthy respect for the power of nature. We lived on the river and it flooded. We got ash when Mt. St. Helen's erupted. We had to evacuate from a major forest fire. We felt small earthquakes. And while we didn't have tornados, and even winds were fairly rare in our protected mountain valley, when they did happen they were usually strong and destructive. Snow in winter, heat in summer. Electrical storms -- I can remember standing on the front porch and watching storms over the north end of the valley, then going through the house to the back door and watching a separate storm over the south end. And reporting the occasionally lightning strike to the forest service (saw the flames start). When the river flooded and when the volcano erupted, did we stay home waiting for it to end? Nope. We got in the car and drove to check things out -- we were never in danger. To this day, one of my brothers will call me when something major is happening. Just to share :)

Until 6 years ago I always lived within a few hours of ocean and/or mountains, usually both. Here, there are no mountains and there is no ocean (and I dearly miss them), but that doesn't mean there isn't incredible beauty to be found.

And the weather here would never be described as sedate. There aren't volcanoes and the rivers are pretty quiet, but wind and electrical storms abound spring, summer, fall with plenty of cold and snow and ice in the winter.

There are protected forests and rolling prairies -- I drive through/past them everyday. I've seen deer, coyotes, foxes, falcons/hawks (can't tell for sure), pheasants, skunks, beaver, squirrels, rabbits, chipmunks, raccoons, opossums, mice, voles, turkeys. I've heard an owl -- outside my bedroom window at 2 am (whoo whoo, whoo whoo, whoo whoo). When I wasn't employed, I spent a lot of time bird watching -- woodpeckers, robins, grackles, starlings, meadowlarks, finches, cardinals, nuthatches, jays, bluebirds, egrets, herons, geese, ducks, and others I can't identify. Oooh, and fireflies. They are so cool.

There is plenty of plant life, and even in the middle of winter, there is still some greenery to be found. I like it in late summer when entire fields are white with Queen Anne's Lace. And in the fall when the prairie grasses turn rust and gold.

Truly a beautiful place to live and exciting place to live.

#@*#$#@^$*@#$^ TAXES!!!!!

I hate taxes!!!

I state this as I sit here, after 10pm, on the phone with DH, who is in Mexico, trying to figure this all out.

And I know you're saying, "Well, you shouldn't have left it to the last minute."

In our defense, DH had everything ready mid-February -- it was my brother who didn't get the final paperwork to us. Our taxes are not simple.

It started with my grandfather who set up FLPs and trusts; these passed down to my dad and uncle. Then when Dad died, it passed onto my sibs and me. And they are such a hassle. So we don't just do the Federal 1040, but have to do a bunch of other forms, and in multiple states.

And this year we didn't get the paperwork till today. Most of it we got Saturday, but the accountant forgot one set of documents. And DH had filed on Saturday based on those docs, so now we have to do an amendment. And to make things worse, we now owe the IRS, instead of getting the refund we were expecting.

Hard to know who to blame for the tardy docs. DH wants to blame my brother. But my brother blames our uncle and the accountant. All I know is that it is extremely stressful (makes me glad for the distance :p ).

I know that if I really wanted to I could have a better understanding of the tax forms and terms, but really, that's what DH is for :D. He's the one with the MBA....

So, tomorrow I get to mail off a check to the IRS, hoping they don't submit it till the money is in the bank (brother is sending payment to cover the taxes). They're supposed to hold it till they get the amended return and not penalize us as it will have been mailed on the 15th. Here's crossing my fingers/toes/eyes...

Pancreatic cancer

Be warned: this is not an uplifting, light hearted post

Just saw today that Patrick Swayze has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. My heart goes out to him and his family. It's a horrid disease.

Last post I wrote about reading a book by Ronda Thompson. Well, I finished it and went online to find other books she'd written, and was saddened to learn that she had died last July from pancreatic cancer. While I am disappointed that there will not be sequels to Confessions of a Werewolf Supermodel, I offer my sympathies to her family.

It just amazes me how many cases of pancreatic cancer there seem to be lately -- Randy Pausch (still fighting), Pavarotti (deceased), Colin Friels (in remission), mother, father and brother of Jimmy Carter (all deceased), and many more past and current (there are lists online). The niece of one of my husband's co-workers, only 37 was diagnosed just after Thanksgiving and passed away last month, leaving behind two young children.

And most personal of all, my dad died May 2004 after fighting it for 2 years. He was actually diagnosed fairly early, not common for pancreatic cancer (usually by the time doctors figure out what's going on, it's in the worst stage and has spread). A tumor developed right at a bile duct and the jaundice got him into the doctor.

The first year of treatment went so well -- no really bad reactions to either the chemo or the radiation. The doctors were pleasantly surprised.

Then we hit the second year and things started to deteriorate. The cancer spread to his lungs (pancreatic is notorious for spreading to other areas of the body). Fluid would build up and he couldn't breathe -- he'd go in and they'd use a huge needle to remove the fluid. The chemo started to cause serious problems -- hair loss, tremors, loss of appetite, exhaustion. We saw my Dad in October 2003 when he came to visit, and he was not looking well, but at that point we were all still hopeful.

And then in early 2004 his digestive system stopped working. He'd eat and the food would just sit in his stomach, so he wouldn't be hungry, so wouldn't eat anymore. We had a family reunion in April that year for Easter and it was heart breaking. Dad didn't look like Dad anymore. My dad had always been large and robust and energetic, and now he seriously looked like someone from a concentration camp, starving to death. Turns out that the radiation treatments that he had weathered so well at the time basically destroyed his duodenum. And by the time the doctors figured out what the problem was, it was too late, his body had basically begun to shut down.

May 18th we received the call we'd been dreading. Got there on the 19th (we lived a couple of thousand miles away). Dad was already comatose, but was at home. My siblings were there and we spent lots of time gathered around him sharing memories and comforting one another. My children got a chance to say good-bye. Early the next morning he passed away.

Dad hadn't wanted a funeral or serious/sad memorial; he wanted a celebration of life. So that's what we did. We had 200 tulips (from an entry in his journal), displayed memorabilia (photo albums, his college sweater with his letter for swimming, etc), and a looped slide show of pictures of him from childhood till shortly before his death. My littlest had really only ever seen him while he was sick and didn't recognize the pictures of dad from when he was healthy -- so sad. And so many people came. It was wonderful to share stories and smiles and tears.

So, now I wonder if it's genetic, or environmental. Do I have an increased risk because Dad got it? Is it caused by something eaten or breathed or introduced into the body some other way? Can anything be done to reduce the risk?

And hearing about it more often -- is it really happening more, or is it just recognized/diagnosed more readily now than it used to be? Maybe it's always been around with the same incidence rate, only misdiagnosed as some other cancer or disease.

I know this wasn't a pleasant topic, but I needed to get all this out.

What's going on

I'm not going to go into the details here (if you want them, go to my other blog Robin's Red Bottom), but my husband and I are struggling right now. We're looking for a counsellor to see if we can work things out -- we're definitely not continuing on as a couple/family without it.

So, in other "news"--
We all went and saw Jumper this weekend. It was ok. A good idea but the movie bogged down in the middle and never really recovered.

Finished reading P.S. I Love You. Definitely liked the book better than the movie; the characters were more fleshed out, more believable in the book, without the contrived family issues created for the movie. It was a nice book, not a great book, but I would recommend it.

Currently reading Confessions of a Werewolf Supermodel by Ronda Thompson. I haven't read anything else by her, but probably will after reading this. It's a fun read. Sometimes the writing seems a little stilted, but the story is amusing and engaging. I'm about halfway thru and will have it finished this weekend.

Hmmm, not sure what I'll read next -- so many, many to choose from :)

Exercised Monday and killed my quads. Finally, today, the pain has subsided enough that I am not in total pain with every moment, just a few twinges.

Semi watched the Oscars. The only movies I had seen were Enchanted and Ratatouille so I have no points of reference on the winners performances. Oh well.

Gotta go.